I, Old Man

OH MY GREAT GOODNESS JELLYBEAN FUNERAL!

Here’s a little preface: I work with teenagers… and my brother and my sister, who are not teenagers. We work at a Frozen Custard shop. Think Dairy Queen except better.

Yeah, I said it!

Ready? Good.

My sister and I were getting some concretes together.

One of the employees came through the drivethru. He got a soda, or something. Not important.

As he drives away the girl on the drivethru turns to another employee, her sister, and says:

“OMG, I just remembered that he texted me last night and I totally never responded.”

To which, her sister replies:

“That’s OK. He left me on red last night.”

Now, I’m trying to figure out what “left me on red” means.

But to preface again (even though that’s not how prefaces work) I know everything there is to know about technology (that’s worth knowing). I used to teach technology. I have all the apps, I’m on all the socials, I talk all the LOLs, and know all the buzz. So, rest assured, I actually know what “texting” is and I also know how to use Snapchat.

Ready? Here we go.

My sister goes to a concrete mixer…

Side note (which is technically not a preface): a “concrete mixer” is the mixing machine we use to blend toppings into concretes… the dessert. It’s like a Blizzard from Dairy Queen… except better.

So, my sister is at the mixer making a concrete, and I come over with my concrete and start mixing it. I then ask her, “what’s that mean ‘he left me on red?'”

And she just nonchalantly says, “I don’t know.”

Do you know how Snapchat has a different color for the type of content you just got snapped to you? Blue for text, red for pictures, purple for videos (and of course, I could have any one of those wrong)?

That’s what I’m thinking of.

Until…

Brain: Hey Diggs!

Diggs: Yeah, Brain…?

Brain: Did she say “red” or “read“?

Diggs: (;一_一)

I then turned to my sister and said, “Oh, she meant R-E-A-D, read…”

And then we laughed for a full minute at how old we are. Because, yes, we both thought that this girl said the color “red” when in fact what she was saying was “I saw he read my text, but he never responded.” He left her side of the digital conversation saying “Read”.

*awkwaaaaard*

So, I am officially old. Sure, I can understand the technology, because let’s face it, technology is awesome and really not that hard to understand if you’re willing to actually UNDERSTAND IT.

Apparently, however, although my brain finally understood on it’s own what she meant, my brain also took it’s sweet time connecting the dots.

Why?

Because my brain thinks in the way people my age think. And kids these days just think differently. I am now at that age where I have to translate everything I hear a young person say in order to know what they mean. And it won’t be long before I’ll need someone else to translate for me.

-Diggs out

P.S. – I’m not old, YOU’RE OLD! 😛

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