I had a dentist appointment today. Pretty routine. A usual cleaning. Nothing big. No deal. Much norm.
Except I don’t like going to the dentist. I don’t like getting my teeth scraped. I’ve had a lot of fillings over the years. I have anxieties and fears of teeth falling out, breaking off, shattering into a million pieces…
It’s not very logical, I know. But since when is anxiety logical?
But there was something different about today. Maybe the dentist I’m currently going to is just better with people than my past dentists. After my cleaning, while waiting for the dentist to come in and check things over, I thought, “hey, that wasn’t so bad today.”
My next thought?
Maybe I’ve gotten used to the suffering…
It sounds odd, but going to the dentist, for me at least, has been a series of sufferings. Each visit has been torment. But lately, I think I’ve just kind of given up trying to see it as anything else. “It’s the dentist. It’s not going to be pleasant. It’s going to hurt. You’re going to suffer.”
And it’s all my fault anyway, which is the principal reason why we suffer, right? I could have taken better care of my teeth when I was younger. But I didn’t, so now I suffer for my past mistakes.
And I guess, in a way, suffering has made me stronger. Going to the dentist is no easier now than it ever has been, but I’ve accepted it for what it is and just tolerate it now. And, while suffering, the dentist is able to fix me up and make me whole again.
P.S. – If you’re a dentist or know someone who’s a dentist, I’m sorry. It’s not you, its me.