I have once again started strong only to fall back and give up on my dream. However, this time I did it on purpose.
You see, I have been suffering from heightened levels of anxiety starting well before the pandemic. I assume that made things worse, but it was not the main cause.
The main cause of my anxiety? Probably myself… something genetic or physiological. Combine that with emotions and dreams and responsibilities and a global, life changing, sociological altering viral illness and you’ve got a good recipe for a major freak out.
And one way to reduce the causes of stress in my life? Just stop.
So I recently finally started my YouTube journey. I did a little thing with video games, playing with and learning about streaming and recording. Doing some video editing again. Working on title sequences and other graphics. And looking into effects.
After that, I started another channel. This was the channel I always intended to start. You see, I would write posts in my blog and eventually turn thos into videos. Then I would gather a small following, begin to make a little money, and be able to work on whatever I wanted to work on… as a job!
However, it soon turned into a chore. I never had the privacy to record without other people listening and wondering what I was doing. People might begin to question me about what I was saying. Then, of course, I’d have to tell them to just watch the video, in order to get the whole story… and then I’d have people watching my videos questioning me further…
Basically, it started out a fun thing to do, but soon became just another source of stress. There were deadlines, hiccups, inability to record in peace, changes in software, and new devices and equipment not performing as I hoped.
So, I stopped. And I realized I felt much better. There’s still stuff I want to do, but honestly, I’m just going to wait until I know I want to do it.
I’m also trying to save up to buy a house, so I’ve stopped buying things and have canceled some streaming services and other subscriptions. Which I suppose is my New Years resolution.
In case you were wondering.
P.S. – happy new year 🎉