I don’t sleep very well. I never have. The last memory I have of a good night’s sleep is just a general “I laid down somewhere (probably a bed), closed my eyes, opened my eyes, and realized it had been many hours and now I felt an overall sense of rejuvenation, alertness, and quite simply awakedness.
I don’t even remember the specifics. It has been sooo long that all I have is a general sense that I had a good night’s sleep once. Kind of like that day in school that was very uneventful. Teachers just taught a normal lesson. You had an even amount of homework. You had yet another delicious school lunch. You played the same game at recess that you’ve been playing for the last three weeks. No one got suspended or punched a teacher. You had unrealistic goals thrown upon your tiny human shoulders that no one would be able to achieve yet somehow your self-worth, identity, and future were all tied to those goals, intertwined into your psyche to the point where you felt like a worthless shell of a person for not maintaining the uneven lifestyle necessary to achieve such goals.
Just a normal day at school.
And even though there’s not much to remember, you still remember going to school that day. Well, you remember that you went to school that day. I mean… there was school that day, and you don’t remember being sick or going to an amusement park so you must have gone to school. I’m sure I went to school… that day… that…Fri…day…?
Yeah, so my last time getting a good night’s rest if kind of like that feeling you know you did something but there’s no specific memory of it because nothing interesting or exciting happened. You just know you did it.
Like most epiphanies I was just standing there emptying my bladder when it hit me:
(no, not the backsplash, I’m not a neanderthal)
Why would my body sleep if it thinks it just woke up?
Now, that doesn’t sound very clever, but just wait until I explain it.
So, I sit around a lot and watch YouTube, play video games, and mess around on my computer. And at the end of the day I sit in my chair or lay in my bed and drift off to sleepy-sleepy land as the shill I’m now only listening to asks me to like and subscribe before complaining about the dislike button… again. This happens day after day. It’s sort of a condition. Basically, I’m lethargically sedentary. I’m kinetically challenged. I’m adverse to three dimensional displacement… I’m lazy.
My body is at rest all day long. Not much movement. There’s the occasional walk to the kitchen or the bathroom, but it’s not like I’m hunting my dinner. Most of the time I just open three cabinet doors, look in the fridge for an indeterminate amount of time, and then order pizza. With all that resting going on all day long I can only imagine what my body is thinking when I finally decide to rest in bed for the next 8 to 10 hours…
“SERIOUSLY! ARE YOU JUST GOING TO SIT ALL DAY?-Diggs’ body
We have muscles we need to work or they’re gonna find a job elsewhere!”
But on a more serious note I wonder if there’s any truth to this at all. I once thought that the need for me to shake my legs and tap my feet wasn’t so much a sign of ADHD as it was my body trying to workout without telling me what it was doing. As if to say, “if you don’t get some exercise I’m going to make you feel like your leg is possessed!”
So, my thought now is to go to bed at a semi-reasonable hour and wake up as early as possible. That way my body will actually sleep during dark scary starry night time. Then completely lose sight of the reality that I have to stay awake during the sun-up hours and probably push me to take naps because it has no recollection of the last time I moved for an entire day.
P.S. – I originally wrote this on 1/16 but WordPress decided to take a nap and I wasn’t able to even compose it on the site. So I wrote it on my handy dandy laptop. Just some bts info for the fans.
P.P.S. – I signed out and then back in an now everything worky worky… is lack of sleep affecting my vocabulary? nyah dat stoopit