I’m sitting outside right now. I’m at the Pokestop across the street. I came out to see who was shooting off fireworks.

It’s everyone, by the way.

Besides wondering if Illinois will EVER create a good budget that doesn’t suck it’s citizens dry so the fat cat legislature can live easy, I’m also contemplating the same thing I contemplate every year.

Why are fireworks illegal?

I’m not talking about the sparkly looking sky bombs the city shoots off at the official 4th of July celebration. I’m talking about the little light it on fire and run like hell versions usually sold at tents on the side of the highway.

And yes, I know some of those can be near death experiences waiting to happen.

You see, fireworks are illegal in Illinois. But in my home town of who the heck cares, nobody cares. The citizens don’t care. The police don’t care. The media doesn’t care. Even PETA simply reminds people to keep their pets indoors so they don’t get scared and run away.

The only time it becomes a problem is when some kid shoots his eye out. Then people are like, “what’s wrong with you, kid? Get your holidays straight, will ya?!”

But seriously, only when someone gets hurt or sets their house on fire do we see anything about how dangerous fireworks are. The police come out and say they will be confiscating all fireworks they can find.

And then they go out and shoot them off, too!

So, my problem?

Illinois is corrupt! Ya, it took fireworks to make me realize that. I couldn’t figure it out any other way…

*cough* budget crisis *cough*

Excuse me.

My issue isn’t why illegal fireworks are allowed. My issue is why aren’t fireworks legal?

If fireworks were legal, every year there would be fireworks safety demos. There would be safety pamphlets everywhere. The news would play firework safety segments, there would be fireworks safety articles in the local newspapers, and YouTube would light up with top 10 firework misconceptions… albeit along side top 10 coolest, most unconventional things to do with fireworks videos… But still.

You’re not going to rid the world of stupid. So at least give people, who would otherwise be smart, actual safety tips.

I’m now going to list the dangerous and stupid things I’ve seen people do, some of which I’m watching right now because they may be stupid and I may not support it but ooh look at the pretty lights in the sky:

• Shoot Roman candles at one another.
• Shoot off fireworks in the middle of the woods.
• Hand a toddler a sparkler.
• Light a bottle rocket in ones hand and allow it to fire from their hand, attempting to time their drop with the ignition of the bottle rocket (and guess how well that goes).
• Tying multiple bottle rocket fuses together and lighting them all at once.
• Sticking a bottle rocket in the ground, because that’s as good as a pole or, like, a bottle. Oh no, it fell over! Quick! Stick it back in the hole before it ignites!
• Set a bunch of firecrackers behind a buddy and light them.
• Bending over a firework that failed to ignite to try and light it again.

So, Illinois, if you want more money just make fireworks legal. Then, you can tax the hell out of them instead of taxing the hell out of me.

-Diggs out

P.S. – You don’t really know how smart someone is until you get them around fireworks.