I Want; However… or Contradictions

I want to be told what do to, but then I don’t want to do it.

I want to be in charge, but then I don’t really take charge.

I wouldn’t mind having power, without any responsibility.

I want responsibility, unless it means I have to take the blame.

I want friends, but refuse to “meet” people.

I want a wife and kids, but refuse to “date”.

I want a better, higher paying job, but don’t want to pick up more hours at my current job.

I want God to answer my prayers, but I don’t believe He will.

I want to make fun YouTube videos, but I don’t ever record anything.

I want to tell my story, but never tell the whole thing.

I want to do what’s right, but doubt that will get me anywhere.

I want to tell the truth, but don’t out of fear of backlash.

I want to speak about God and Jesus, but don’t out of fear.

I want a better job, but I won’t apply for any.

I want to sing, but I don’t want to be heard.

I want people to see me, but I don’t want them to look at me.

I want to argue, but I don’t want to be challenged.

I want to love, but I don’t want to lose.

I want to gain the world, but I don’t want to lose my soul.

I want to live..

No “but” there. However, it is so hard.

Thank Jesus it doesn’t have to be forever!

ANOTHER Facebook Controversy

Except this one only really matters to me.

I was using Facebook, as you do, to waste time while I decide whether I want to get up and be productive or just sit there and watch YouTube. And the FIRST thing I noticed was that the notification icon was no longer a little box-thing with lines on it, but was now the YouTube Notification Bell… or just a regular bell. Continue reading

Something I wanted to write about Time Travel

I have always desired to go back in time and live my life over again. I’ve concocted stories about being sent back in time, as have so many other people.

But I realized something.

Besides the fact that it’s not going to magically just happen because I wished on a star or prayed really, really hard.

I realized that it has probably already happened!

One of the stories I’ve written follows a young man who somehow goes back in time and becomes a mentor for his younger self. He helps him along and gives him advice. Eventually the older version has to leave.

It’s a work in progress, though. I don’t know how it should end.

Either the older version realizes the things he’s doing for his younger self were all things some mysterious figure did for him when he was a kid…. Or the older version literally disappears because he has changed the past so much that he no longer exists.

Or the universe implodes.


Either way there’s not much of a possibility that story could actually take place. Science is pretty sure it’s impossible to travel back in time, what with temporal feedback loops and all.


Another story I’ve written involves a young man who is discontent with how his life has turned out; even though he’s only just began college. He takes off in his car to run away from his life. He breaks down on the side of the road. It’s dark. It’s raining. He sees a semi truck barreling towards him, sliding back and forth across the road. He cannot get out of the driver’s side door. He grabs his backpack and heads for the passenger door. He gets stuck on a seat belt. He pulls and pulls and eventually breaks free, jumping out of the car right as the semi slams into the car. He falls down a hill and just as he rolls into a tree the lightening flashes. CRACK! He sits up in his bed… was it all a dream? Is he home? Did he actually go back… in time?

Sorry for being so dramatic. It sounds like a nice story. A person becomes a kid again, going back to that point in time as well. With the knowledge of the future he can surely make better decisions, right? He can live the life he actually wanted to live… right?

Well, in my story the kid makes some dumb decisions. He tries to be “cool” with everything and, by way of a vision, sees his future involves some bad habits. He changes again, but this time back to who he was. He’s just a little more content with who he is. He realizes that he actually had a good life. He just didn’t realize it.

Awwww 🙂

But that’s just a story.

Or is it?

What if you prayed really, really, really, really hard! And God was like, “fine, I’ll send you back in time to relive your life. It’s not like there are orphans for you feed or the homeless that need sheltering. Let’s give you a do-over because you don’t have enough money to buy video games…”

And you’re like, “thanks buddy!”

In reality we’ll never know if this has happened, but what if it did. It’s just that God knows he can’t very well let you have knowledge of the future (that being the events you’ve actually grown through already). If you had this knowledge you’d definitely change, and not necessarily for the better. You might be arrested because you knew something bad was going to happen. Or you might go crazy knowing about all of these terrible things that would kill so many innocent people. Or you might just live your life being quiet about it all, but know in your mind all the bad things that were going to happen. You might just waste away your life doing nothing but having fun and spending money, or simply hanging out with people, having no real purpose for your life other than to enjoy everything. And as was previously mentioned, there are people out there who could use your help. If you literally had the attitude of “YOLO” how much good could you possibly be doing?

God knows you can’t have knowledge of the future. So he sends you back in time to “try again” without this knowledge.

So, ya, you may have been given a second chance. But you’ll never know.

Or will you?

[he asks too many questions, doesn’t he?]

You know how you’re trying to make a decision about something and things just don’t feel right? What if that’s a decision you made before going back in time and while the historical record of events that will happen in the world are lost to you, you still retain the general “gut feeling” about those events. Should you purchase this car? Gut says “no”… or rather, your memory of having purchased this car was a bad memory, but you can’t just have the memory because that would fall under “having knowledge of the future” which God specifically has not granted you even though he did actually send you back in time, so you choose not to purchase the car.

I know, I know: this could literally be a gut feeling. You could also call it “conscience” if the decision involves whether to do something good or bad. You could also point to the fact that the Hindu religion believes in reincarnation. But I don’t, so maybe this whole idea is just bonkers.

It’s fun to do little thought experiments like this. But in the end we have to realize what’s really important.


-Diggs out

P.S. – I’m going to a birthday party today. So right now, cake is important.

P.P.S. – God is important, too. Or rather: God is important, and cake is also important. To me, at least.

Driving Around Town

This weekend I got bored. So I grabbed my GoPro, suction cupped it to the windshield of my car, and drove around town for 20 minutes.

But seeing as the universe objects to every desire I have ever had, the GoPro lost that 20 minute video.

No matter.

I intended to record some thoughts. I even put my Bluetooth headset in my ear so I wouldn’t look crazy taking to myself. Alas, my self consciousness took over and instead of recording my thoughts, I recorded my facial expressions while thinking about my thoughts. I was only upset that those 20 minutes were gone because my GoPro is a butt. It does this: records a video or two, takes a picture or two, then refuses to record anything ever again…until I reformat the SD card. Then the whole cycle begins again.

This recently became a bigger issue when I was trying to use it at the Center’s lock-in. I wanted to get a time lapse of the inflatable inflating. However, the GoPro gods decided to say “nay” on that. I eventually formatted the SD card and updated the GoPro’s firmware. That got it working for the rest of the night. We got some first-person footage of kids running through the inflatable. And I was able to get a time lapse of the inflatable deflating.

This bugs me so much because A.)  I paid a lot of money for this GoPro (which I hardly ever use), and B.)  if I really wanted to use it for something, I cannot be 100% sure it will actually work. I did purchase a new SD card, made for taking HD video with action cameras. If that doesn’t make the thing work reliably then I’m screwed.

But you never know. Oh, sorry…

I guess I’ll never be taking any video of my wonderful, deep thoughts while driving around town. This GoPro just doesn’t seem to want to cooperate. And I don’t want to let it all out there only to find out it didn’t go anywhere (i.e. the GoPro didn’t record).

But you never know.

(ah, continuity)

I have other cameras, and I have my phone(s), and tablets, and laptop, and desktop, etc. etc. etc. The possibility of that is getting better. I’ve always wanted to be a YouTube star. There are a few people who agree with me as well. I’m just not sure if it’s worth it. Is there really enough space on the web for one more opinionated jerk who thinks he knows better than everyone else on the planet? That sounds like a pretty big thing.


Diggs out.