I recently thought about best friends… specifically how I have no best friend. How I had many different friends but not really any best friend when I was growing up. How I had one friend who I want to consider a best friend from when I was 12 or so, however, I don’t really know if we would have been best friends because he didn’t stick around very long (moved away and didn’t tell us where).
I began thinking about the kids I know and their friends. I started wondering if they had any “best friend.” You know, a friend who is above all your other friends. A person with whom you have shared secrets, got in trouble, and just in general know better than any other person (and they know you the same). When I looked at all the kids I know/knew and their friends, and how well they seem to know each other, a thought struck my head. It was like getting hit in the face with a brick made of jello.
As I wiped the jello off my face I realized, “I don’t think adults get best friends.”
Another jello brick hit my face, cherry this time, as my brain gave it’s two-cents worth. “John,” my brain interrupted, “You know a few adults who have best friends.”
“True,” I said to my brain, “But maybe they are the exception to the rule. Perhaps, adults by their very nature are supposed to be more adept at creating social connections quickly in any situation in order to make places like the office easier to tolerate.”
“True, butt-head,” my brain responded, “however, you’re missing one critical piece of information.”
“And what might that be,” I inquired?
“You know of quite a few people who have good friends, whom they might even consider ‘best’ friends.”
My brain didn’t remember using that argument already, which doesn’t bode well for me. Did I mention my brain speaks with a British accent?
Even still, mybrain made a good point…. almost. Most all of these people I know who have good friends with whom they participate in activities are women. So then, the reasoning leads me to believe men are not meant to have adult best friends. The ones that do are the exception to the rule. End of story.
“Why, then, do boys create ‘best’ friendships.”
My brain is eavesdropping again. My sanity aside, it makes a good point. Is there something about males which allows them to create such deep friendships durng boyhood but not during manhood? Perhaps, if there is, it is the typical male role that we expect boys to grow into. Or, perhaps it is because we do not allow boys to be themselves and instead try to fit them into the perfect little child role instead.
Boys need to play; and by “play” I mean use their hands and their bodies to accomplish something. This is why boys get competitive when it comesto sports. This is why boys are put into programs like karate. This is why boys hit girls. This is why I feel like tackling a snow man. Boys need this physical activity to stay sane. Don’t get me wrong, girls like sports as well. Boys are just more physical in nature typically.
“But where does that leave you,” my brain butted in again?
“Well,” I told my brain, “you know as well as I do.
“Oh,” my bain pondered, “I suppose I do.”
Did I mention my brain has a British accent?